Wednesday, September 1st, 2004
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9:13 pm
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Tuesday, August 24th, 2004
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8:28 pm - I hate stuff...
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Well I'm kinda sad right now due to the fact I'm listening to a song that reminds me of someone I really care about. It makes me want to cry so bad because I miss him so much my heart hurts. I feel like crying but I wont let myself. This song completely describes the way I feel about him. I feel like I was everything with him. And now he's gone and I have nothing left. Yeah I have friends, family, and such but none of that compared to the way he made me feel. He made me feel like I was me, like I could do anything I wanted. I could fly because my love for him was so strong that nothing could stop me. I care for him so much and I just want to be with him. I want to hold him like I used to, I want to kiss him again, I want to just be with him. I want to smell him on my cothes form when I would hug him. I want to be....just BE. I want to be his, I don't want to be with anyone else. I mean I've tried other options out, but nothing I felt in any of those situations was enough. I thought things for me were getting easier but I keep having these "relapses" I guess you could call them. I think I'm ok for a while, then all it all goes back to how it was. I guess this time it was the song I'm listening to. It so reminds me of him. Here are the words:
"True"
I wont talk
I wont breathe
I wont move till you finally see
That you belong with me
You might think I dont look
But deep inside
In the corner of my mind
Im attached to you
Im weak
Its true
Cuz im afraid to know the awnsers
Do you want me too?
Cuz my heart keeps falling faster
I've waited all my life
To cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
Its time to try
Anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true
You dont know what you do
Everytime you walk into the room
Im afraid to move
Im weak
Its true
Im just scared to know the ending
Do you see me too?
Do you even know u met me?
I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
Its time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true
I know when I go ill be on my way to you
The way thats true
I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
Its time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true
Here it is...I dunno what else to say. Say what you want, tell me to get over it. I've tried so hard, I've tried so many things to make this feeling go away. But everything I do just reminds me of him. I don't even know what to do with myself anymore...
current mood:  lonely
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Monday, August 23rd, 2004
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9:22 pm - i dunno
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i really have nothign exciting to talk about...angie came over saturday and stayed the night. sunday i saw I,ROBOT, and went to Abernathy's house. I had school and orchestra today...thats about it. Wednesday is Craig's birthday..and I know he reads this so...HAPPY BIRTHDAY CRAIG! The big 22..Hope it's a good one! Too bad we can't see each other for it. We'll see each other soon enough I'm sure. September 11th is coming up soon. :)
IN the mean time i have horrible gas bubbles they hurt so bad i feel like i'm dieing. I'm not even kidding. I dunno what the crap is up with it man. Right now i have a horrible cramp. It hurts so bad! :(
I think that I'm going to han gout with Tucker Wednesday..
I'm incredibly sick right now...
current mood:  sick
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(comment on this)
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Sunday, August 22nd, 2004
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1:29 am
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Saturday, August 21st, 2004
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5:53 pm
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This is a poem i found online.... it's really kinda good, but sad and scary at the same time.
Temptation
Don't buy a revolver
When we marry,
Or one fine day
You'll find me
On a slab of concrete
(Or stainless steel)
In the frozen morgue
Of some anonymous hospital
With a tag
Tied to my toe
And only half a skull.
But you can buy a shotgun.
I promise I'll never
Pull the trigger
With any of my toes.
Here's the link to the website:
http://www.angelfire.com/ca/iloveDave/ddpsad.html
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(comment on this)
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4:42 pm
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3:53 pm - My List of things i want
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11:19 am
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Friday, August 20th, 2004
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6:24 pm - DREAM CAR!
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This is a picture of my dream car. It is a 1973 Chevelle. It is beautiful in every way. The 2 white racing stripes give it a real good look! I LOVE THIS CAR! If you bought me one i'd give you my body....or i'd just jump around all happy like....yea i'd do the jumping thing not the whole give up my body thing.....
current mood:  chipper
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(comment on this)
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Thursday, August 19th, 2004
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8:05 pm - Boring-ness, and yeah that crap...
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SO today i had school again.
I went to the bookstore to get my US History book and they gave me a World History book so now i hafta go exchange it and wait in a nother 15 minute line..poo.
I had homework for 3 classes today, it was gay.
I am going to a drive-in movie with Jason Stimac and some other people tomorrow. I am excited because i have never been to a drive-in movie.
I AM SO BORED....
Someone relieve me
current mood:  bored
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(comment on this)
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Wednesday, August 18th, 2004
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7:01 pm - BAND!
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So i'm starting a band with Kevin Deany and Justin PLatt! I'll be singing and playing bass!
WOOT FOR ME!
current mood:  creative
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(comment on this)
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6:07 pm - What the crap?
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Koolaidmonkey13 [5:59 PM]: poop
a person[5:59 PM]: we need to talk
Koolaidmonkey13 [6:00 PM]: why's that
a person [6:00 PM]: because, you made me feel like crap yesterday, and i just wanna let you know why
Koolaidmonkey13 [6:00 PM]: ok?
a person [6:01 PM]: i said "hi rachel" you said "hi" like you barely knew me and kept walkin. you didn't stop and talk to me at all. amirrah abouyousef talked to me more
Koolaidmonkey13 [6:02 PM]: i sadi hi...but i had to go find someone thats where i was going to...i went to find erin so i knew where to meet her after school
a person [6:03 PM]: i saw u with her
Koolaidmonkey13 [6:03 PM]: yea i know i was wlaking back to her
a person [6:03 PM]: but it made me sad the way you said hi like i was nobody
Koolaidmonkey13 [6:03 PM]: well sorry
a person [6:05 PM]: it's ok. i just wanted to let you know, i'm over it and stuff and i figured you didn't do it intentionally, i'm just worried that now it's school and you'll have all ur school friends and you and me won't hang out anymore
Koolaidmonkey13 [6:05 PM]: omg ryan seriously
a person [6:05 PM]: calm. i'm just tellin you how i feel about it
Koolaidmonkey13 [6:05 PM]: well you shouldn't even feel any sort of way about anything,
a person[6:06 PM]: i hope i don't need to
Koolaidmonkey13 [6:06 PM]: yuo're so wierd
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(comment on this)
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Tuesday, August 17th, 2004
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8:44 pm
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Had a lovely conversation with my Dave Hanke...thanks a lot man you helped a lot i must say
current mood: crappy
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(comment on this)
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4:27 pm - and addition to today...
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Has your heart ever hurt so bad that you wanted to rip it out? Have you ever felt like you mattered to no one? Have you ever felt like evrything you ever cared about was a complete waste of time? It sucks let me tell you
current mood:  depressed
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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4:16 pm
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4:11 pm - ONCE AGAIN!
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So me and Erin have decided we're going to take off a day from school this month and go to Six Flags because we got coupons dor $10 off except now i found out Jewel is having a buy one get one free. And i also think that we're going to go to see a certain band at a certain place called Fat Bean coffee house in September to hear a debut of a certain song thats about a certian someone....sounds like a plan! HA exciting, we just hope a certain someone isn't at this certina event so that i wont kick her in a certain body part. I don't ever think i've said certain this much in my entire life! I"M BORED I GOT WORK TODAY! IF YOU WANNA HANG OUT CALL ME! 744-1310 AND 557-4943
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Monday, August 16th, 2004
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8:20 pm - IT"S DEFINATELY BRANDON!
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7:29 pm
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"The Days Were Golden"
The days were golden
we were known to be
we won't escape this memory forward on
to the place we sail
oil to believe
when you raise an iron hand
this place without a song for all
the words just crawl
glimmering and everything another skull
you said it was dangerous
found out the place where you're going
follow me down the path
I take your hopes I promise you this
a dying cold world but gold
shimmering gold
Come momma now tell me the story
only laughing
about our gilded wasteland
devoured torn into pieces
come now we shine
small things ever calling out your name
you hear some other time unchained alive
a world undefined
all to be free
when you raise an open hand
this place without a wall
the words just grow
_Sunny Day Real Estate
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(comment on this)
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11:21 am - YEA
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So last night sucked ass....
I was forced to go places with my mom but i got school supplies so it was all good! But then we waited at outback steak house for like a million years so that sucked. I was never called by 2 people because i think they either hate me or are avoiding me so that sucks. And i've compltely given up at life...
current mood: depressed
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(comment on this)
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10:07 am
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